looking back at 2011

what a crazy year! but then I suppose I could say the same for almost every year leading up to 2012. Back in 2009, I recall wishing for it to end just so we could get on with 2010. my anticipation for 2010 was of positive change and wishes for prosperity. I ended up leaving lbc to live in Irvine with the mum who really needed me. and after more than 2 years of resume’ submission in search of a j-o-b, I was finally blessed with one that couldn’t have been a better fit. the only down-side, which I suspected after being hired, was the demographics. Instinctively, I knew that, if for any reason, should the fundip and I ever end, I’d be subjected to working on the same corner as him. but, as I have been paying attention my whole life, all things happen for a reason, and in their time. I am to simply go with the flow. so far, so GREAT!

so, as I suspected, the fundip monday fundays ended with a big bang and he turned out to be not such a great guy. Is that slander? nah! I think it’s just good honest, in your face, DEAL WITH IT kind of information. the job is still fabulous! let’s begin in January because there’s no need to pretend the year never existed. It did. and because it did, I grew and changed. I updated a few lists of mine and have a whole new outlook on things. wants. needs.

lola celebrated ‘40’ this year. valentine’s day meant more to me than it did him. paco’s play house was officially opened and dubbed ‘the inspiration room’. and while this entire major shift was going on with lola’s new house, the inspiration room thumping, relationships ending, friends were experiencing a shift that would be the most life changing of all. {{LIVE}} I celebrated another year of life [yay]. and moved AGAIN! Yep, again. that, I believe, makes twenty-four. two trips to corvallis and planning on many more in my future! we had the vampire weekend, we started the daily FIVE for gratitude, turkey day was a hoot with conversations about cremation and taxidermy and my oldest sharing his idea of being turned into an action figure. nice! and we topped the season off with a hallmark holiday. tis the season of giving and I was so very pleased to see so many who chose to give of their time rather than silly gifts. bless you all! 

to sum up the year, I can’t choose just one word or even one emotion. it was the worst roller coaster ride, I believe, I’ve ever been on. it was hopelessly tragic, hurtful, and emotionally exhausting but the upside was that I was surrounded by all the right people who connected me with new people. I went from sobbing my tears and snot on the bathroom floor to choosing my friends and family as my means of entertainment. I allowed the beginning to begin [so to speak].

for a period there, even while I sobbed, I was approached by people who reminded me that my light was bright. I should never allow the sadness or insecurities of others to extinguish all that brews within me. [this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine]

oregon was a major turning point. I couldn’t have imagined that this trip would unleash so much from inside of me. the packing, the waiting at LAX – tears. the flight. the music – tears. the layover in vegas – tears. seeing her face just when I wanted to break down. my legs, spirit, mind – broken. but for her, my patty, I smiled. I smiled for as long as I could until we walked into her room and the perfume bottle from my past revealed a name which I couldn’t erase and then – tears.

back home, more tears. I looked terrible, I felt terrible. but the people who would reveal themselves – wow! such a surreal moment to have several people; some I’ve known my entire life, others I’ve known for a few years and then some I only met this year, brought me to the greatest of tears with the kindest of words. as arrogant as it might sound to those who have never heard such words or are ‘viv haters’ [cause we all have haters in our lives], it was the most uplifting to have these people tell me of the joy I have brought to their lives each morning with my posts, music and updates. to have people say to me “your light shines bright” – wow! humbling!

as the days passed, my heart grew bigger and stronger. the paths we travel, the challenges we break, they only build us up IF allowed. and there were people, sad, pathetic people whom I have nothing but love for, as they lied, cheated and tried manipulating. then there were the ones who still are having trouble wrapping their head around “viv”, who she is, what she’s doing and why. not many, only a few. but even the greatest of leaders couldn’t reach everyone. and so, I accept that they aren’t for me to lead. and by lead, I mean by example.

big love & shout outs to all of the following people who gave so much of their love and continued support throughout 2011:

mum, dad, mom, yosh, sis nikki, the kids, the ex-jsunday, stella, kir, lola, paco, ava, the guru, anton, blue caterpillar, mr. barry, jennifer bell, d*fox, fred, lisa & cult jam, jenn goat, the benevenia’s, lamb chop & patty cakes, cynthia h designs, micha von doring, jeni & zoey, russy & izzy, all of my readers, my facebook fanpage followers, my loyal twitter followers…..and to anyone I may have forgotten! From the depths of my heart, I wish you all peace & love in the coming year.