relationship fundamentals

there are many components to creating and sustaining a healthy relationship whether it be with a friend, co-worker or partner. and with these components also comes the responsibility of work. yes, people, relationships require a great deal of work. if you aren't into work and don't much care for people then relationships are NOT the thing for you. however, if you are interested in starting a new friendship, connection....hook-up, then this is the post for you.

I watched this funny, yet, informative video the other day {shared with me by lalalalalana} called "strangers, again". it gave the 6 stages of a relationship intertwined with solutions that could have been taken but often times are not due to being too prideful. and all I have to say to that is LET GO! now, before you watch the video, lets, first, discuss those beginning fundamentals.

the first is obvious; attraction. whether it be any of the three mentioned above; friend, co-worker or partner, there is always an initial attraction. this is most important. you wouldn't order an entree off of a menu that you know you wouldn't enjoy eating, why would you even think of initiating a relationship minus some attraction? for instance (lets stick with the partner aka boy/girlfriend) the moment you first lay eyes on one another; if you feel that spark, those butterflies, the flush of red heat come across your face, that is the first step to knowing there MIGHT be a chance.

the second feels like a mild interrogation. getting to know you....getting to know all about you. and your ex's, where are they now? why'd you break up? are you still friends? and of course....more importantly, what do you have in common? for me, I enjoy many things about life in general so to break it down and limit myself would be silly. I am open to trying all kinds of new things. I'm not opposed to bike rides, swimming, roller skating, and many other physical activities. but I would also throw in there that I enjoy the arts, music, philosophy, books. the getting to know you is a means by which we discover our similarities and our differences. of course there will be differences, but the ones that really count are the ones regarding just how committed you are or will be to making this one work. it isn't just about the likes and dislikes but often times the quirks of one or the other.

now you have the honor of moving onto stage three. meeting the friends. this is always a fun one especially knowing you are not the first but hoping to be the last. and just as you meet them you KNOW you are once again in the interrogation room. who are you? how'd you meet? have you been married? how old are you? what do you do for a living? its like they're writing your bio. understandably, these friends will one day be your friends so BE NICE! seriously, I would recommend spending as much time in the first phase of getting to know you minus friend or family until you both actually 'feel' one another. only then should the next interrogation begin. I'm going to throw a number out there and say 3 months of consistent dating/courting. and this number may not be enough for everyone. but at the least I'd say 3.

so, now you know you're attracted, you have tons in common with finishing each other's sentences, biking, movies, dinner etc. you've  met the friends and family. it's official you are having the beginning stages of a mature loving relationship, hopefully with a mutual goal in mind. longevity would be a good start! some may suggest marriage, others not necessarily interested in the legal institution of marriage but committed to creating a loving and lasting bond with someone who is equally their better half. woo hoo! a foundation has been set!

here is where we watch the video - "strangers, again" because you do NOT want to become a stranger to this man/woman whom you love tremendously! you see, being IN a relationship isn't just about the first three stages mentioned above, once you get past all of that fun stuff and the honeymoon is over, you do NOT want to fall into a comfortable state where you no longer offer a mutual reciprocal of affection. you do NOT want to get to a place where you stop caring about how the other half feels or how you might have said or done something to make them feel not so wonderful. you never want to take each other for granted.

what's really important here besides attraction, knowing what they like, hanging out with friends and family.....TRUST! if you do not know how to TRUST....forget about it! just keep moving because this is NOT the job for you. relationships - ALL OF THEM - require TRUST! I make this one bold because it is THAT important. if you don't TRUST your better half and have no just cause, then ask yourself what the heck is YOUR problem? and if you try justifying by bringing up the past with someone else because she/he did so & so when we were blah blah blah....I WILL smack you! who the heck cares what he/she did? ALL that matters is what I did and that's all I should ever be accounted for. and if you think I may have done something, you best have just cause to be questioning. otherwise, curb your damn paranoia and insecurities because they are CANCER! *note TRUST = CANCER!!!!

if you can handle ALL of this, add lots of continual love, affection, listening, date time, 'me' time, understanding, patience, compromise, friendship and learning acceptance; you will be GOLDEN!

that is all today on the 'love connect'. my name isn't chuck woolery, its viv, but lets pretend! maybe my next post will be a list of questions for that interrogation?

“it is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.” | kahlil gibran